Anokhi DIY / Culture & Lifestyle / Is My Success Blocking Love?

Is My Success Blocking Love?

Anokhi DIY Culture & Lifestyle Aug 13, 2013


Afraid your success intimidates men? You’ll be surprised to find out what’s REALLY going on in this scenario…

If you’re a driven, ambitious career woman, then you might resonate with this question my client Sherrie recently asked me:
 
“Kavita, men are intimidated by me. My friends tell me that it can be hard for men to approach me, and that my accomplishments are intimidating to men. In fact, I’ve had men tell me this as well. What do I do?
 
The short and sweet answer is that there is something blocking you from attracting in men that see your accomplishments and success as a quality that makes you even HOTTER. When I say block, I mean there is a belief that you have carried for a long time that is keeping you playing small in your love life, and that is abnormal for you because you are woman that likes to play big.
 
Because the truth is: there are so many men out there that would find who you are in all of your glory super attractive.
 
We need to identify what the belief is and release it so that you are attracting in men that are of your caliber.
 
So first, ask yourself: What freaks you out about being in a relationship?
 
If I were to say to you that Mr. Right — exactly the man you desire — is knocking on your door right now, what fears come up for you?
 
Do you fear:
Losing your independence
Commitment, because what if it doesn’t work out
Losing your freedom
Losing yourself in the relationship
Feeling pressure to be there for the other person
 
Next, ask yourself: Where does that fear come from — Mom or Dad?
 
Who in your parents’ relationship did you see lose their independence or freedom? What did it take for your parents to stay together or what pulled them apart?
 
When I asked Sherrie the first question, her answer was: “My fear is that I would lose my freedom and independence.”
 
I said, “Okay. Was it your mom or your dad who lost themselves in the relationship?” She said no one. I asked her to think for a second. She then said, “OHHHH. My mom and dad got divorced when I was little and ever since my mom has stayed single because she doesn’t want a man to stop her in her life. “
 
Sherrie said, “My mom will often say, “I just want to do what I want when I want to do it, so I just would rather not be in a relationship.”
 
BINGO. That is exactly it. That belief is attractive in men that are not good enough for Sherrie because then she doesn’t have to give up her independence and freedom (not that she has to in a real relationship — this is all subconscious). Sherrie wants a masculine man that is confident, accomplished, and can support himself and her. That is exactly what she deserves, and that kind of man would compel her to commit to be in a relationship.
 
So what can she (and you) do to overturn this belief and magnetize in a man that is masculine and worth your time?
 
For Sherrie, I asked her to have a conversation with her mom and ask her how she received support and independence from her father when they were still married.
 
The reality is that when we have support and we let that support in, we can accomplish more in our lives and have more freedom.
 
Once she understands the other side of the story for her mom, naturally the belief will begin to fall away and she’ll begin to magnetize men of her caliber in immediately.
 
Here’s your Lovework:

Answer the above questions and have a conversation with the parent that you feel the belief came from. Ask the parent how they actually felt supported in the relationships they were in.
 
Now, this may take a bit digging and asking several kinds of questions, because they have this belief too. However, once you hear the other side of the story it will free you.
 
So did Sherrie’s question resonate with you? Please share in the comments below!

Feature Image: http://cdn.yeeyan.com

Kavita Patel

Kavita Patel

Author

Kavita J Patel is a Relationship Expert and Love Specialist on a mission to help women worldwide make quantum leaps in their happiness and love lives. As a second-generation Indian American, Kavita's Indian heritage and spirituality deeply inform her coaching, and bring a blend of Eastern and W...

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